I've been a busy boy over the last 6 months. I realise I haven't written anything in a while, this is mostly because of the business of family life, having to work and trying to maintain my personal practice. While I usually try to commit some of my thoughts into writing at least once every three weeks, well it's been really hard keeping up with my previous schedule.
So, I sit here with my (truly awful) lukewarm cup of tea in a post winter cold room (chilly tiles=cold feet) trying to shake a sense of despondency. I have been spending a lot of my time reading through some of my earlier notes and a massive change has occurred in my personal magical practice, it has been a slow thing, but viewed over the long term it is a significant shift. While I have always worked within a Christian framework (it is the culture I have grown up in, live in and to a great extent, think in) I have been finding more and more of my personal religious beliefs moving away from the Christian-ness of its past. If something leaves and creates a vacuum, something will come in to fill that space to ensure it is full. What is the replacement? I haven't quite figured that out. I have been focusing on Hebrew and my daily practice so far.
I have the feeling that this change in my feelings comes from a few different things.
- My travels around the place and some time I spent in Jerusalem
- My initiation into a new order and the changes it has wrought
- The normal stresses and everyday pressures that influence thought and interactions
- Doing some Biblical work and coming away unconvinced
I have encountered some major flaws in my previous understanding and I have found that I have been unable to find the glue to put my knowledge back together. I have been unable to make the same leaps I used to, and I have found that no matter where I look and who I speak to to discuss the issue I am unable to get back to my previous mindset.
I have been exploring the Noahide Laws and B'nai Noach and regularly spend time reading through Torah and discussing Torah and Talmud with my Jewish friends, I may actually be trending towards Judaism as a future life path.
Anyway, enough for now. I've had a big day discussing the role of Jesus as the Passover offering with my students...